Tainted Love
by Ashita no Yuki
Summary: Is it love, lust, or mere submission? Started with numerous attacks by Black Haru, Yuki finds himself slowly surrendering to the ox's control, trying to sort out how he truly feels, and wondering what Haru really wants. Lemon, Self-injury, Yaoi. HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! This is Phantom and Potter Obsession, reposting on my new account. Tainted love on PaPO will go down soon, so make sure you get this version on story alert and everything! Ok, this is the only new author's note I'm adding--just making sure everyone knows that this is me!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. I do own a love for angst.**

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Haru had always been the aggressive one.

If I'd wanted to, I could have stopped him. I could have held my ground when his body slammed into mine, could have pulled my wrists free when he held me down with bruising force, digging his nails in. I could have forced him off when he kissed me, when he forced his tongue into my mouth, tasting every centimeter. Every time, before things went to far, before he'd forced me where I _truly _didn't want to go, he'd turn back to his white form. Every time he was horrified, miserable, apologetic. I never wanted him to be. I didn't want the kisses per se; I didn't want to be pinned, immobile. I don't know if it was the mental torture of Akito that twisted my mind, but all I knew was that there was some part of me that for some reason craved to be used and abused, in any way, as long as it showed me that I was wanted.

He never looked me in the eyes for days afterwards. I would finally tell him to get over it, that I was fine, that he hadn't hurt me. It wasn't true. Physically, I was bruised and bleeding, I felt violated, I ached all over. Yet in my head, there was that part of me that screamed for more, that couldn't bear it if Haru never went black and attempted to have me again. The part of my brain that had been taught it could never had love was sure that Haru's black side was the next best thing—that dominant part of my brain. That part of my brain thought I was worthless, that I could never hope for more than to be desired as an object.

It was only in my sub-conscious that I recognized the real reason why I didn't fight back. Truly, on the outside, in my rational mind, I knew I didn't want it. I didn't want to be forced like that. I didn't like having my mouth attacked, my lips bitten when I denied entrance, my wrists marked by fingernails. I didn't like the weight of Haru's body pressing down on me, or the feeling of the floor as my back slammed into it. I didn't like the way his cold, forceful hands felt their way under my shirt, or the way he bit my neck and collarbone to try and get me to scream. It never really came clear, the reason why I didn't pound him into the ground for trying that with me. All I really knew was that I never fought back.

I never truly understood the longing I felt for what it was. I never understood why that ache went away when he was attacking me. I never knew why I needed it until the one day when my revelation occurred; my revelation that I secretly _enjoyed _the abuse. Then I had to wonder why. Why? Why did I want such things to happen to me? Why did I enjoy it? Why did I wish he would turn black each time he saw me? I spent days mulling it over, before coming to the conclusion that it was my past, that haunted voice of my past telling me why I enjoyed the torture.

The next time I saw Haru, I was prepared. I knew that I honestly didn't want it. I didn't want him to force me like that. I wasn't going to believe that I could never be loved, that such harsh aggression was all that I could get. I refused to listen. Until…

Until we were alone and he turned to me, his eyes dark, glinting with desire. I felt a thrill of fear, and a weakness in my knees. He came at me; ready to take whatever he wanted. I fell to the ground when he pushed me, and found myself feeling too helpless to resist—and finding that in all honesty, I didn't want to. I tried to tell myself that I didn't want this domination, that it was all a result of the mind games that Akito had played with me… but Akito's mind games couldn't make Haru's passionate, vigorous kiss so sweet. And so, unknowing whether this was love, lust, or mere submission to the inevitable, I kissed him back.

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**And so here is my first Yaoi, for one of my favoritefavoriteFAVORITE pairings. Don't worry, my chapters aren't normally so short—1,000 words is my minimum standard. This is a prologue though, and I wanted to end it here. Um, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this—for once I don't have the plot planned out. I'm just going with the flow, so I'm going to need you all to review so that I can keep up the will to update. My one request is that even if you hate it, you leave a critique saying WHY you hate it rather than a flame. If you flame me, how will I know what to work on?**

**Sorry, the author's note is really long. I tend to have a lot to say about this sort of thing, but I'll break it off now and try and keep them to a minimum from now on. Thanks, now review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket**

**All right! Two reviews already, that's better than I expected, considering this fan fic is just starting out. All right, here comes chapter two :D**

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I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head, and it both thrilled and excited me. Fresh from losing a fight with Kyo, he was weakened, bruised, and more dangerous than ever. The black aspect of his personality was still in control of his actions, the black aspect that was after me. I felt a thrill of fear and excitement, although I pretended to ignore it. After all, with Honda-san and Shigure still in the room, with Kyo sulking right outside the door, I had to keep up my image of the 'perfect Prince'. The part of my persona that desired my male cousin hardly fit that image. The boy shunning said male cousin for getting into a pointless fight over something incredibly stupid was the side that I showed the world, was actually the side I preferred—whenever Haru wasn't around.

This was a waiting game, one that I both enjoyed and hated. Haru shifted when I shifted, the darkened eyes of his black side watching me, his body unconsciously mimicking my movements. My eyes darted to the side when I noticed this, and he smirked at me. I bowed my head over my homework again, listening with apprehension and impatience, waiting for Tohru to wrap up her conversation with Shigure. I bit the inside of my cheek as I listened to their conversation—his comments and replies were littered with perverted remarks, and she obviously had no clue what they meant! It made me nervous to have her around in the room—black Haru and perverted Shigure, now there was a dangerous combination for a defenseless, clueless girl.

I was spared listening to more of the conversation when Tohru finally yelped, realizing the time—dinner had been over for nearly four hours, and she hadn't noticed. I doubted Shigure had noticed either, although I had, I knew the damn cat had, and I was certain that Haru just thought it was taking too long to get the other two out of the room. "It's after ten o-clock already?" the brunette girl gasped, and even facing the wall I could picture the look of surprise on her face, completely taking over until her face seemed frozen in a state of shock. The picture made me smile slightly, and I turned around to see if what I had pictured was correct.

I never did see. When my gaze left my homework, it was caught and held by those dark grey eyes. Haru smirked, and I found my eyes traveling down to his lips. If he kept with his pattern of going after me when we were alone and he was black, those lips would be against mine very soon. There was that small part of me that whimpered in fear, but was drowned out when I remembered that rush, that intoxicating, longing feeling that had overtaken my senses the last time that he'd kissed me. I could see Shigure stretch and yawn out of the corner of my eye, and vaguely deducted that Tohru too was rising to leave the room, but I can't honestly say that I was paying attention to them. My gaze was held by a beautiful, terrifying, dangerous pair of dark grey eyes, and therefore my mind could not be distracted by everyday things.

"Haa-kun, are you staying over again?" Shigure asked. It had become common occurrence for Haru to stay over whenever he stayed past nine-o-clock—but he'd never been in his black form for several hours those times.

"Mm-hm," my cousin said, his eyes tearing away from mine to look at Shigure briefly, before turning back to me, running over my chest before meeting my eyes again. "Yeah, I don't think I can go home right now."

"Ah, do you think you'll get lost, Hatsuharu-san?" Tohru asked worriedly, clasping her hands together, as though concerned that he was only staying here out of necessity. "I know!" she cried, her voice almost too bright. "I could walk you back home, because you live on the estate, right? It could—"

"Honda-san," I broke in before she got too carried away with worry over Haru, or before she convinced him to go home with her, "leave it be. It's a little dangerous to be alone at this time of night."

"But I would be with Hatsuharu-san… oh. I see. Do you mean on the way home? That's okay… leave it to me! I'm not afraid of the dark!" I winced at her words. It wasn't the dark I was afraid of, or even just her being alone; my rational mind, that diminished part of my mind that I planned to ignore tonight, reminded me that in this state, with this level of darkness staining his judgment, Haru might go for Tohru. It was not a likely possibility, but why take chances.

"I'm fine staying at Sensei's house," Haru replied, his voice almost as polite as when his white side ruled him—it was as though he was managing to restrain himself from letting them know which side of him was in charge. I wondered if he'd turn back to white Haru before the two of them left, and was both relieved and unhappy at the idea. "It's not like I'd be alone or anything. Besides, my parents are probably asleep. They'd think I was a prowler or something."

"Oh." I tried to turn away from Haru's captivating gaze to see her face as she spoke those words, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to move. I couldn't manage to look at her even as she spoke again. "I see. Well—good night Hatsuharu-san, Sohma-kun, Shigure-san!"

"Good night, Honda-san," I replied automatically as Haru gave a nod, still staring at me.

"Good night, Tohrukun," Shigure said, his voice mock seductive. "Unless of course, you should like to spend your night in my bed…"

"_Eh_?"

"Stop it you pervert!" I yelled, tearing my gaze from Haru finally, glowering at Shigure. I clenched my hands into fists, relaxed, and turned to smile at Tohru. "Have a pleasant night's sleep Honda-san. Please don't think too much of him."

"Ah… okay." Tohru still seemed flustered, but she didn't argue. "Everyone, sleep well! Oh! Unless you need something?"

"We're fine, Honda-san. Really," I assured the overly helpful girl. I smiled falsely, my practiced smile working as well as ever to reassure her.

"All right. Good night everyone," she wished us yet again, before backing out of the room. I heard her light footsteps head up the stairs and turned to Shigure.

"Are you going to bed too?"

Shigure yawned. "Goodness gracious, you _are _eager to be rid of me, aren't you Yuki-kun? You're not planning a night of kinky sex with young Hatsuharu, are you?"

"No!" I snapped, feeling a flush rise in my cheeks as a part of my brain acknowledged that it wasn't so adverse to that idea. "Do you have to turn everything that way?" I demanded furiously, trying to conceal my mortification at the thought.

"Hm, no, I really don't," the dog replied thoughtfully. "But I like to. Well, I'll leave you two to it." I rose furiously, but he had already stood up. "Well, good night Yuki-kun, Haa-kun! Clean up the room when you're done!"

"You—" I sighed and turned away, rubbing my forehead. I decided that I would refuse to even give the idiot an answer—why waste my breath just for him to come up with more stupid, embarrassing things to say? I sat back down at the desk, aware that Haru's eyes were now boring into the back of my neck. It was distracting, and I found myself growing edgy, impatient. He was still black, wasn't he? If he were white Haru, he wouldn't be staring at me… but it wasn't as though his black side had any patience when he hardly had any as white Haru. Why was he just sitting there? Everyone was gone; there was no one to stop him… why?

My nerves almost snapped when I finally heard the groan of the couch, but I kept my eyes unseeingly on my history outline. I tensed as I heard his footsteps behind me, coming closer, closer… finally stopping just behind me.

The ghost of a touch between my shoulder blades made me shiver. "And now I've got you just where I want you," black Haru whispered, his voice thick and dripping with desire.

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**Okay, I need your opinions. I really, **_**really **_**want to make this one good, but I'm not sure if it's melodramatic, if the basic plot's too common, if everyone's in character… those are my biggest concerns. Help me out people: it's all in the little 'Review' button.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket**

**Heya people, if this gets posted the day I started typing it (or two days later aka Thursday, I can't go on the computer on Wednesdays) I will be one happy little authoress. Did you all review last chapter? I hope so…although I know one of my friends was previously unaware that you could review without an account. FYI: you can. :D Well, that has nothing to do with the plot, so moving on…**

**Disclaimer: If I had Takaya's genius, the genius it takes to write a story like Furuba, then I would have my own mangas/novels at least out of the outlining stage. Okay?**

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"And now I've got you just where I want you," black Haru whispered, his voice thick and dripping with desire.

I couldn't repress the shudder that ran down my spine at his words and his touch. The part of me that feared him, that wanted to stay away, it was at last silent. I forced myself to keep looking down at my paper, even though I felt like turning around and kissing him deeply, even though I felt like overpowering him—and not to escape, but to be in control of the night's events.

"What's the matter, Yuki? You're as unresponsive as ever," Haru said, turning the chair around so that I was facing him. I could see the possessive, demonic gleam of his black side still in his eyes, and wondered with a slight panic if he was fully black. Sure, if he tried to _really _hurt me, I knew I could stop him—or did I know? Normally, I would have thought I could, but right now I was finding it hard to move, or even to breathe. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned over, trapping me in the chair.

I looked up into his eyes, my gaze as calm and unmoving as ever, completely covering the emotions I felt in tumbling about inside me. This was my 'perfect' face, the face that I think any diplomat would be proud to have—it could be read to show whatever emotion people wanted to see. It had been my shield against my mother, against Akito, and now it was my shield to keep my pride safe, to keep Haru from knowing just how much I wanted what he had, and just how scared I was of getting it.

Haru leaned closer, effectively stopping any movement as his breath tickled my neck. My eyes widened and I felt myself grow even weaker. "What's it gonna take to make you respond, huh Yuki?" my cousin asked, reaching for my shirt, undoing the top of the three clasps. I stared up at him with more than a little bit of fear as part of me said that I didn't want to do this. But I did—didn't I? Suddenly, I wasn't sure, but I was in no state to fight back and I knew it.

Haru unfastened the other two clasps of my shirt, leaving my upper chest exposed. He smiled, a feral grin that made me shiver again. My mind fluctuated back to the feeling it had had all night: that desperate longing. That torturous, wonderful craving for Haru…

I reached out with one hand and caught his wrist as he went to stroke my face. "Wait," I whispered softly. I didn't want him to stop—I just didn't want to be the only one feeling all of these strange emotions. I wanted to be able to touch him too.

It seemed that Haru's mind when it was ruled by his black side didn't see what I had meant when I phrased my words that way. His already dark eyes deepened to pitch, and I felt a rush of terror—had he ever been _this _black before? "Wait?" he whispered, pulling his hand away, and then reaching for me again with both hands and seizing my shirt. He wrenched it over my head, and then seized my arms, putting his knee on the chair, between my legs. "_Wait? _I've _been _waiting, Yuki." His lips crashed against mine painfully. I gasped, struggling for air—I hadn't had time to breathe in—and he took advantage of that to slip his tongue into my mouth. He bit down on my lips, making my bleed and cry out in pain. I could tell he was deliberately making this hurt, all because he'd taken my words out of context.

I managed to struggle free, which took longer than it would when I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed, and twisted my head to the side. "Stop it, Haru," I hissed, trying to summon up some anger at him, trying to hate him for hurting me, for the uncalled-for attack. I couldn't seem to manage it. I couldn't even make myself speak loudly—what would happen if someone came in and tried to hurt Haru to 'protect' me? It was a foolish fear—in a situation like this, shouldn't I worry more about my wellbeing than Haru's?

Ignoring my words, Haru pulled himself fully onto the wheeled chair, kneeling in between my legs, towering over me. The chair spun and nearly tipped over under our combined weight, finally spilling both of us to the floor when Haru seized me around the waist, pulling me into another bruising, forceful kiss. We both landed on our sides when the chair dumped us, separating us briefly, but then Haru seized my shoulders and flipped me onto my back, holding me down to the floor and pressing his mouth to mine again. I struggled at first—it hurt; his fingernails were digging into my wrists and had broken the skin—but he seemed to forget his want to punish me as sheer lust took over. His kiss changed from harsh and dominating to the passionate, driven, oh so sweet kiss that I had been hoping for. I opened my mouth wider and kissed him back, doing battle with his tongue for dominance, eventually losing. I wondered how many other people Haru had kissed, to get so good at this—he must have at least done this with Rin before she broke up with him, to make him so much more experienced than me. Then again I had only ever tried kissing him back once before this, and he was the only person I had ever kissed before.

Haru pulled away from the kiss abruptly, leaving me feeling unfulfilled—I hadn't been finished with him yet! My cousin slowly pulled his own, open-necked, sleeveless shirt off over his head, before kissing me on the side of the neck, just below my ear. "Now I get my reaction," he whispered vaguely while I squirmed at the pleasant sensation. He kissed me on the neck again, and began trailing those kisses down my collarbone. He'd kissed me like this before, but I'd always been so determined that I wasn't like that, that I didn't want my cousin before—so I could never remember reacting like this. I could never remember feeling such bliss, such _lust _when he'd done this to me before.

Haru looked up at me, his eyes perhaps a little lighter, but still consumed by his black side. I reached up to touch his face, but he had already turned his head and was inching lower.

"H…Haru," I moaned as he used his teeth to undo the zipper of my jeans, ripping them open, wrenching the button off the top. I shuddered as his hands slipped under my waistline and he began to stroke me to hardness. It was an otherworldly feeling; I felt like I was going to pass out from the pleasure.

I met his eyes again, and suddenly saw a flash of recognition there. "Yuki?" Haru whispered, and I realized with disappointment, relief, and dread that he'd turned white again. "Yuki, what's…" the ox looked down and gasped, jerking his hands away. "Oh my God! Yuki, I'm sorry! I didn't mean—Oh God, Yuki I'm sorry!" he gasped, jerking his hands away from me and scooting away, hurriedly seizing his shirt from the floor, hastily pulling it over his head, static electricity causing his white hair to stand on end.

"Haru—"

"I'm sorry. I'll go now," he said, not meeting my eyes. "I don't blame you if you don't want to see me again."

"Haru—" I began, but he had left the room. "Haru!" I yelled, getting up, uncaring that my pants were still unzipped, leaving my shirt on the floor. "Haru, wait!"

Haru turned around at the door, his gaze at the carpet. "Look, Yuki, I'm really sorry. I understand if you hate me."

"Haru, wait. It's dark outside. You'll get lost." I tried tossing the practical reasoning out at him, but could see that it was lost on him. He was convinced that he had been about to force me, and nothing practical would stop him.

"Haru, wait," I ordered as he opened the door. "You idiot, I don't hate you! I—I wanted it too!" The second the last sentence tumbled out of my mouth, I shut my mouth, my hand flying to my face. Had I just said that? Oh God. It was one thing to know it, but to say it so openly, so…bluntly? What if he didn't feel that way in his white form? I could feel myself flush in mortification, and turned my head so that he couldn't see the shame on my face.

After maybe a minute, I had the courage to glance back at Haru, who hadn't moved, but was staring at me with an expression that could only be interpreted as shock. "You…wanted it too?" he whispered disbelievingly.

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**Ah, well scratch the thought of getting it done in one day. Hey—I was scared I wouldn't get it done today, actually—I got a C on a major history grade, bringing me down to a B for the quarter. (To my parents, B equals D.) Ugh… why must the bar be set so high? Ah well. In any case, in a rare flash of kindness, I was not grounded for the next four months or so, and could finish this.**

**About the chapter itself… -sigh- Ok, uh… this is the most graphic thing I've ever written. I don't know if it's going to get more graphic or not, but I really have very little clue what I'm doing. Feedback is appreciated very much, as is feedback on characterization—one of my biggest worries. I roleplay Fruits Basket a lot regularly with someone, and we kind of twist the characters sometimes to suit our minds… the side effect is I get the way they are in my mind and the way they are in the series mixed up. Maybe if I didn't torture them so much…**

**I promised to cut down on the length of my author's notes, didn't I? So sorry! I'll see you all next chapter, now please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

**So today is my belt ceremony. I passed my belt test I'm so excited! So now I'm an awesome… erm… yellow belt. Yes, a yellow belt. I know, don't I rock? (Note: That's for Tae Kwon Do… yellow belt's still REALLY low on the spectrum. It's the one right after white belt… and we all know what level white belt is. Ah well, I'm still excited.) So… will this get done today, with the ceremony? …I dunno…**

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After maybe a minute, I had the courage to glance back at Haru, who hadn't moved, but was staring at me with an expression that could only be interpreted as shock. "You…wanted it too?" he whispered disbelievingly.

I nodded, ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I seemed to be homosexual, ashamed that I was in love with my _cousin_, of all people—if what I felt was indeed love. How would I know what it was? It wasn't like I had any frame of reference…

I glanced back at Haru and felt myself go weak at his adorably dumbfounded look. Yes… if this wasn't love, then… I didn't know. What else could it be? Why else would I want him to just sweep me off my feet and keep on with what we'd been about to do before? I was fairly certain it wasn't just pure, animalistic desire; it felt like there was more to it than that…

Haru took a tentative step forward, and then another, until he was fully in the house again, rather than out on the porch. Slowly he reached up with one hand as though to brush my face with it, his face hopeful, intensely so. His fingertips grazed my cheek, and without warning, I was pulled into a tight, almost crushing embrace. My arms were pinned to my sides, and that was the only thing that kept me from squeezing the younger boy back. "Well… that was unexpected," he whispered, burying his face in my hair. "Do you know how long I've liked you?"

I felt as though I was drowning in his embrace. "No idea," I whispered, wriggling my arms free and returning his hug with a backbreaking squeeze.

"Since second grade," he informed me, breaking the hug and brushing my hair out of my eyes. "I really… never…"

I must admit I was shocked to hear that he'd liked me for so long. He'd always perved on me, but Haru pervs on everyone. Besides, he _had _dated Rin… then again; maybe it shouldn't have surprised me so much. Haru constantly told me he loved me… Maybe he had been telling the truth the whole time.

I reached for his hand and pulled my cousin into the living room. I wanted to say something, wanted to ask him if he was honestly telling the truth when he had said before that I was his first love—but words of true emotion had never been my strong point, and had been nearly impossible for me ever since I was a child.

'_Everyone hates you.' _I felt a chill at the words. I had convinced myself that Black Haru's lust was the best I could get, and yet to have him love me as White Haru went against everything that Akito had drummed into my head as a child. I tensed up, terrified all of a sudden that this was all a joke, that I was as boring and unlovable as Akito had always said I was.

"Hey… are you okay, Yuki?" Haru's arms wrapped around me again, easily pulling me onto his lap as though I were a child. I looked up into his eyes, those eyes full of emotion, of concern, worry, _love_. I felt so secure in those arms, so secure in the knowledge that I could never have imagined that adoring look his eyes had flashed at me. White Haru's emotions towards me weren't only friendship; Black Haru's lust wasn't the best I could get. How could I not be okay?

"I'm fine, Haru," I replied, leaning into the embrace, smiling as he kept one arm around my shoulders and took my hand with his own.

"I'm glad," the ox told me, resting his head back. Mine followed, leaning onto his smooth, flat chest. "It's getting late," he added softly. "It's really fine if I stay over?"

"Since when is it not fine?" I asked, tilting my head just a little so that I could see his face. "You never even bother asking when you want to stay over." Ordinarily, Haru would announce that he was going to spend the night, or Shigure would leave an open invitation for him to stay.

Haru shrugged. "I'm just… sort of worried that I'll go off on you again and hurt you."

I sighed. "Haru… you know I'm stronger than you. If you ever seriously try to hurt me, I can stop you." _'Unless I can't move,'_ I thought, thinking about the way it had been when he'd attacked me lately.

Haru laughed. "Sorry, that's right. I can't even beat Kyo: no way could I ever beat you. I'm just paranoid, I guess."

I smiled and closed my eyes. I really wouldn't mind falling asleep like this, reclining back with my head on Haru's perfectly muscled chest, my hand closed loosely in his own warm palm. No, I had no urge whatsoever to go upstairs and fall asleep in my room like normal. I turned my head slightly so that I could see Haru. He had his eyes half-closed and seemed completely enthralled in watching lie there. Well that was fine, because I imagined that if your places were reversed, I wouldn't be able to get to sleep—I'd be too busy observing everything about _him_.

"You should probably get some sleep," he whispered to me, squeezing my hand slightly. "If you don't get enough sleep, you'll ruin your good looks."

I smiled and closed my eyes. I wouldn't have said my looks were good enough to be ruined by a lack of sleep, but I was touched that Haru thought they were—even though, to be honest, it was the other way around. Really, I was too feminine to be good looking.

Haru's arm encircled my shoulders, pressing me against him. I felt so peaceful, at ease now, a complete one-eighty from my tense, anticipative state earlier. In this peaceful state, this feeling of total security, it was easy to slip off into a restful, wonderful sleep where I could dream about Haru.

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**Ah Yuki, but your looks ARE good! –Dies from a fan-girl squeeing fit- Still, we all know Yuki has a complex about his looks… don't be so under confident Yun-yun. We love you.**

**Okay, opinion time. Yes, it's that time of my fan fiction again, where I pester my reviewers for their opinions. Do you want more fluff than Black Haru, or more Black Haru than fluff? I'm still trying to figure out what the next chapter will be… it will come to me when it comes to me. In the meantime, I want your opinions. Judging from what you say, the incredibly hazy plot will get more form in my mind, making it easier to write—which means –singsong voice-- faster updates! – Okay, that's all. Oh by the way, I didn't finish this the day of the belt ceremony, I went to laser tag instead, with my sister and our friend who was conveniently too busy to attend the ceremony and get her belt, yet suddenly was free for laser tag. (Apparently this is normal for her XD) Okay, enough rambling on my part… see you all next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

**Hey! I'm going to Church in about ten minutes, so I KNOW this won't get done… still. (Note to readers: I didn't get it done. I started this on Sunday… Happy Thursday to you!) Ah, the joys of getting ready in eight minutes—I can write! (If only I'd gotten up with my alarm… teehee. I was up late role-playing as usual… I need to stop that…)**

**Ugh, I'm off-topic AGAIN. –Slaps self… with a hammer- Okay, that REALLY hurt. Anyone idiotic enough to hit themselves with a hammer is not smart enough to come up with a plot so complex and intense as Fruits Basket. Therefore, do I own it, do I own it? I don't? Really? How perceptive!**

**Note to my readers! So far, of most of the opinions I've received, people want more Black Haru than fluff. In any case, I plan on having much more of both Black Haru and White Haru in this fic. There will probably be a happy ending… I know my sister told me that I should choose depending on the type of ending I'll give this, but since I'm not 100 percent sure about the ending, I'm going to add more of both. (Anyone have an opinion on a happy ending vs a sad ending?)**

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When I woke up the next morning, I was momentarily confused. Where was I? I wasn't in my room… I'd never had a very good memory in the morning. Actually, my body woke up long before my brain did on most occasions, so it was no wonder that I didn't recognize my surroundings, nor was it unexpected that my tired mind turned that thought away for the more pressing needs of food, and possibly caffeine. I staggered to my feet, dimly registering that I had been sleeping on the couch with Haru. Oh… All right. I stumbled to the kitchen, crashing into a wall on the way there. My brain barely registered the pain, although I did vaguely note that some flakes of plaster had fallen to the ground with the impact. I groaned softly and staggered into the kitchen, sinking into a chair—or what I thought was a chair. It was actually a patch of shadow on the ground. I fell, landing hard in a sitting position, and blinked in shock. That had _hurt! _"Why am I…" I began drowsily.

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru dropped the pan of eggs she was frying and came running over to me. "Yuki-kun, are you all right? Why did… are you okay, Yuki-kun? Yuki-kun!"

"I'm fine," I said, the exhaustion ebbing out of my voice. It always took a huge shock to fully wake me up in the morning, after all.

"Hey, Yuki, are you okay?"

I looked up and my heart jumped—Haru was standing in the doorway, his hair sticking up even more messily than usual, his clothing rumpled and creased. He walked over to me and stretched his hand out. I blushed and gripped the outstretched hand, using it to pull myself up. "Hey Haru," I said, trying to make sure that there was nothing more than friendliness in my voice as I spoke.

"Hatsuha—that's right, you stayed with us last night! I forgot!" Tohru gasped. "I hope I made enough breakfast… I'm sure I did! Oh, I could heat up some—"

"It's fine Tohru. I have to go now," Haru told her. "Thank you though." He turned to me and smiled. "See you Yuki?"

"Yeah," I agreed, trying to keep my voice light and calm, trying not to betray any emotion other than gladness that I'd see him again, trying not to show my dismay that he was leaving.

Maybe I was too good an actor. I could have sworn that I saw hurt cross his face, and his eyes flash darkly—but maybe I just imagined it? "Bye," my cousin said, his voice short as he left the kitchen. I heard the front door creak as he opened it, and heard the clunk as he closed—or more likely slammed—it behind him.

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As a favor to Kunimitsu, who had begged, pleaded, and offered to tie the damn cat up and lock him in a closet, I was going to spend my Saturday teaching some of the lower level martial arts classes—one of the ones that Shihan had decided he no longer had to teach now that he had an assistant. I arrived at the dojo with some slight apprehension—how long had it been since I had come? I'd kept up with my training on my own at home, defending myself from Kyo's attacks and pummeling him back. The dojo was Kyo's place now, and God knew I wasn't really welcome in any of Kyo's favorite places any more than he was welcome in my garden.

I pushed open the door to the dojo, a place that seemed half familiar and half not as recognizable. Shihan had made some definite changes that I could see, but the overall feel of the place was the same: It was yet another place where no matter how good people told me I was at it, where no matter how far I had progressed, I was never good enough. Once the dojo had been my haven, my only escape from Akito's abuse other than school; now it just reminded me of my past.

The class was easy enough to teach, and I found myself not really concentrating, going by on autopilot. I was too busy mulling over the hurt in Haru's voice when I had tried to act like things hadn't changed. Did he think I hadn't meant what I had said last night? I suddenly felt horribly guilty. I resolved that as soon as this class was over, I would go find him and explain: I loved him, I really did. It had to be love—it couldn't be anything else… I just wasn't ready to tell the world that I liked guys. Not just yet. I was fairly certain that Haru would understand.

Still, the thought nagged at me. I was relieved to dismiss the last class at seven-o-clock PM and head over to Haru's. The sun had nearly set, and the dark, purple-blue sky was covered with oppressive grey clouds. A slight nip was present in the air—autumn was definitely getting well under-way. I ruefully wondered if I should have brought a coat, since my martial arts uniform was fairly thin, but I knew that Haru would probably think nothing of lending me one when I saw him.

I heard steps behind me, growing closer and closer. I stepped slightly out of the way to allow the person to pass, and caught a glimpse of white hair. "Haru!" I called, turning around and recognizing my cousin, my heart leaping. What was he doing here? It was as though my thoughts had called him. Then I looked closer, and realized with a note of apprehension that his stance was tense, that a shadow had seemed to fall over his eyes. He had turned to Black Haru. Something must have set him off—something major. I had the sudden, worrying thought that maybe it was my behavior this morning that had angered him to the point of snapping—but why would he have snapped now rather than at the time? Besides, could there be any way that my actions had been that major? I swallowed hard, willing myself to move. _'Come on,' _I thought to myself, trying to un-stick my feet from the ground as he drew closer and closer. _'You know that you can have his __**real**__ love. Why can't you run from him when he just wants to possess you? You know he's going to hurt you. Run, damn it!'_

Of course, I still found myself unable to move. I stared up at him like prey cornered by a predator. I willed him to change back to normal as my heart pounded with fear and excitement. "Hello, Yuki," he whispered, circling me. I stood still, trying to relax, letting him watch me. "Tell me, Yuki…Was what you said last night all just a lie? Do you really not want—" he seized my chin"—this?"

The kiss was harsh and bruising, but I kissed him back with equal vigor. I hoped that it would make him understand, make him listen; help him to realize that I had just been scared to show that I loved him in front of Tohru.

The action didn't have my hoped-for effect. "You _tease,"_ he hissed, glaring at me as he broke off the kiss. "You just want to make me want you more, don't you? You like feeling wanted and craved, don't you? That's why you're leading me on."

"Haru, I'm not—" I began.

"Oh really? You're not? I hope you really do want the action, not just the attention. Because if not—" he seized me by my shirt and unknotted my black martial arts belt "—you're getting a lot more than you bargained for."

Black Haru pushed me back against a street lamp on the side road. I let him, my muscles feeling soft and buttery. He was going to do it. Oh God, he was going to do it, and I wasn't sure if I wanted it or if I wanted to scream for help. He took my own soft, flexible belt and knotted it around my hands, tying them tightly enough to cut off the circulation and bruise the skin, then forced me down onto my knees and tied my hands to the base of the street-lamp. I struggled vaguely, because I knew that this wasn't quite how I wanted to lose it to him, but I was losing the will power to fight. After all, I had meant what I said last night. I wanted this, and I wanted it badly, even if it came this way.

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**Okay, and now I just want to say this: If I write a lemon, it will be my first attempt at one. I think the next chapter might have one, but I'm going to ask another opinion poll: should I write a lemon scene for the next chapter or not? If not, should I write a lime or just have Haru come back to his senses? (I can guess the answer on that one…) If I write a lemon and it's uh… not so good, is there anyone out there who can give me tips? Okay, so just go ahead and review, give me your opinion and answer those questions please… Thank you all so much, and thank you for reading through this far.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket**

**Lemon in this chapter! It takes up the first 1,000 words or so. It's my first attempt, so while I encourage you to leave me a critique, please soften what otherwise may be harsh words. Thanks—you all are awesome.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. I own a copy of the anime, volumes 1-4 (assuming I can FIND no 4…), volume 19, and two fact books. I own this lovely fan fiction and the idea of tying someone up with a martial arts belt. However, as I am not Natsuki Takaya, I do not own the copyright privileges to Furuba. Lucky characters XD.**

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He took my own soft, flexible belt and knotted it around my hands, tying them tightly enough to cut off the circulation and bruise the skin, then forced me down onto my knees and tied my hands to the base of the street-lamp. I struggled vaguely, because I knew that this wasn't quite how I wanted to lose it to him, but I was losing the will power to fight. After all, I had meant what I said last night. I wanted this, and I wanted it badly, even if it came this way.

Black Haru stepped back for a moment, and I craned my head around to see what he was doing. My cousin had pulled his own, fur-lined jacket off and had begun to remove his tight, dark turtleneck. Shirtless Haru wasn't a sight to be missed, but it made my neck ache to hold it in a position where I could see him. I looked down and tried looking back between my legs to see if I could get a glimpse, just in time to see his black jeans fall to the pavement, followed by his boxers. The view was obscured by my own body, meaning that I could only see him from the calf down; I was mortified to discover that this fact disappointed me. How had I turned into such a pervert over the course of these past few months of his attacks?

Black Haru's harsh hands suddenly grabbed my white training tunic and pulled it up over my head. The garment pooled around my wrists, which were still tied up, but my bound wrists did not prevent my back and stomach from being exposed to the chilly air. The coldness of the night went away in patches where Haru let his hands linger on my sides: those spots were warm, hot, burning.

Haru regarded me for a moment, and suddenly, in one fluid movement, wrenched my white training pants and boxers down to puddle around my knees. I yelped in sudden shock, humiliated to be exposed this way in public, but I knew that in his black form he had no shame whatsoever, and that he wouldn't particularly care how I felt. I gasped as Haru traced a line over my bare stomach, interrupting my thoughts. All thoughts of my awkward situation flew out of my head: I could feel myself hardening from that one simple action.

Black Haru didn't seem to notice. He pushed one knee and then the other in between my legs, spreading them wider apart. I tensed up with anticipation. While I knew that I wouldn't regret this—how I knew I wouldn't regret it, when I could technically consider this rape, I wasn't sure—I was also terrified. This was way too sudden, too soon, even though I suppose I had known in the back of my mind that this was coming for more than a month now.

I let out a small screaming moan as waves of a type of pleasure I had never experience flooded through my body—one of Haru's fingers had made its way inside my entrance and was wiggling around experimentally. The pleasure was replaced with discomfort when he added another finger. "Unh…" I gasped as he began to slowly pump his fingers, the discomfort swiftly transitioning to pleasure. I was most definitely hard now: I ached with a need to release, although I wouldn't have put it in as many words—my coherent, human mind was slipping away to an animalistic brain that was lost in its own world of ecstasy and desire.

Haru scissored his fingers, making me gasp at the sudden jolt of pain as my muscles were stretched out. He removed his fingers, making me feel empty, as though I had lost something important. But the feeling was not to last: I turned my head to see the younger boy lick his hands and love his saliva all over his hard erection. I vaguely wondered why, until the thought lost all of its importance as placed his hands on my hips and drove into me.

I let out a scream as tears rolled down my face. It _hurt_—I'd thought that the scissoring motion of his fingers had been painful—at least that hadn't lasted. Black Haru pushed himself all the way inside me, a feeling foreign and not entirely pleasant. It took a minute or so for me to realize that he wasn't moving, wasn't doing anything yet, that even in his lust crazed black form, he had the presence of mind to wait until the initial pain started to fade and my body grew accustomed to the foreign object inside of it.

Haru pulled back out only to drive in again, this time sending an enormous wave of blissful pleasure through my body. He moaned in sync with me, continuing to thrust in and out, speeding up, slamming into me harder than I had thought possible. It seemed endless, but at the same time too short: nothing lasts forever.

Black Haru came at last, slamming into me so hard that I pitched forward and slammed my head into the concrete telephone pole. I saw stars with the pain, which brought me back down to earth a little bit, though not entirely. Haru collapsed, his weight pressing down on my back. I nearly buckled and fell, but he moved off of me before I succumbed to my weakness. "You didn't come yet," he commented idly, looking at my flushed, swollen erection. "I guess I failed in my job." Before I could come up with a reply in my out-of-this-world frame of mind, he had crawled under me and took my dick into his mouth.

I gasped, my hips jerking at the sensation of being engulfed in Haru's warm, wet cavern. He only had to spend less than a minute working on me with his mouth before I experienced my first orgasm into his mouth. The sensation of ecstasy was enough that I think I blacked out for a moment. When I came to my senses, Haru was contentedly licking the remainder of my semen off of his lips. "You know, you really taste good. You fuck like a professional whore too. Are you sure you were a virgin?"

I was too shaken and caught up in the after-bliss of the sex to catch the insult. "Y-yeah," I replied, my voice stuttering and hazy to my own ears.

My cousin shrugged. "For all I know, you could be leading a bunch of other people on like you led _me _on," he added, getting dressed before pulling my shirt back all the way on and dressing my lower half back in my clothes.

"I didn't—"

"Oh shut up Yuki," he snapped, his dark eyes flashing angrily. "I really don't need to hear that from you. You said last night you wanted this, and if you didn't last night, I think you did just now." He smirked at me, noting how my eyes were still vaguely unfocused and lustful, observing the flush in my cheeks and ears, my mouth slightly open as though I wanted him to kiss me again. He picked me up suddenly. I was surprised, but I made no move to fight him. He could take advantage of me and abuse me all that he wanted—if it was like what had just occurred, I was up for it. "I'm taking you home with me tonight, Yuki. That was _so _good, I've got to do it again. You should let me do this more often too. Even if you were lying and don't want to be with me, I wouldn't be so opposed to being friends with benefits."

_I _was opposed to that idea. I wanted to be more than 'friends with benefits'. I considered telling Haru this, but I knew that he would brush me off. No matter—I would tell him when he was in his white form again.

Haru started to walk, carrying me with him back to his house. I lay back in his arms, watching the scenery go by. As the long trip back wound on, I began to realize just how badly I ached from being screwed so hard; just how much my wrists hurt from being tied so tightly to a concrete pole, and just how much my head hurt from slamming into said pole. A small amount of blood dripped down my face, but I let it slide—it could be worse. God only knew how much blood was staining my pants right now…

Haru cursed and dropped me when he reached his front door. "Damn. My parents are home," he muttered, glaring hatefully at the lights shining in the windows. "We'll have to keep it down… can I trust you not to scream?" he asked, looking down with that same dark, blazing passion that he'd had in his eyes right after he'd screwed me.

"Haru, why don't we just go to Shigure's house?" I asked him. "Your parents don't mind you staying—"

Haru grabbed me by the front of the shirt. I seized his wrists as he lifted me off the ground, pulling them off of my clothing, forcing him to drop me. "Look, Haru. I _meant _what I said last night, okay? I just didn't want to say anything in front of Honda-san!"

"Oh, so I embarrass you?" Black Haru asked nastily, his lip curling. "Or are you screwing around with her too, and you just don't want her to know you like someone else as well? I actually wouldn't be surprised. She's so naive and innocent, wouldn't be funny if she turned out to be a sl—"

I knew Haru wasn't in the right frame of mind in his black form, but he had no business insulting Tohru—or implying that I was with her. Tohru was my mother figure, and I had no desire to set the scene for a modern day Oedipus Rex. "Don't call her that!" I yelled at my cousin, who laughed.

"Look who's getting defensive! It's okay, she's a pretty hot piece of—"

I hit him again. "Haru, quit being a jerk! It's _not _that way, and it never was! Has it not occurred to you yet that _I like guys _and that I love _you?_"

Haru laughed sardonically. "For a couple happy hours, it did," my best friend replied bitterly. "But it's not that way, so hey, I'll take what I can get." The ox seized me around the waist again and captured my lips in another passionate, hungry kiss.

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**So… my first lemon. Uh… yes. I have no clue if this was good or not, so I'm going to trust my reviewers to tell me if I messed anything up. Please be gentle when critiquing this chapter—give me advice, but please don't flame. If you leave a flame, rest assured that I will be pestering you for advice on what I did wrong.**

**I can't think of any other ways to get the point across: Review and I will love you forever.**

**Oh yeah, the Oedipus Rex comment is because that is the ULTIMATE YukixTohru comparison… to me, at least. (I hope I'm not offending any YukixTohru fans out there: Please do not be offended.) We had to read it aloud in English and make masks for the characters… I was Oedipus, so I called my mask the 'Yuki mask.' XD**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

**Hey everyone, just so you know, my grades don't look happy right now, and interims are being sent out today**

**Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to be dead and grounded. I have a C in math and a C+ in history, and my parents found out. (The C+ in history was an honest mistake—my teacher entered a 0 rather than a 100—seems to happen to me a lot, doesn't it?) Oh my goodness… but I used a strategy I haven't used since 6th grade and grounded **_**myself**_**. I therefore got a lecture about how I shouldn't have to be grounded to get good grades, and they weren't going to ground me because it was a short term fix, and I was 'losing the forest for the trees.' (Remind anyone of a certain Omake Theater in book one? My mom literally used )********that as an example**

**So anyways, I'm not grounded, and will be able to keep updating. Phew!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Fruits Basket, no one would look much like they do—especially Hiro. (I really can't draw Hiro. Akito and Yuki might look similar to the way that they do, but it would be rougher looking.) Better yet, Furuba wouldn't be written yet, because I'm a high school student, not a manga artist (working on that dream though)!**

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I hit him again. "Haru, quit being a jerk! It's _not _that way, and it never was! Has it not occurred to you yet that _I like guys _and that I love _you?_"

Haru laughed sardonically. "For a couple happy hours, it did," my best friend replied bitterly. "But it's not that way, so hey, I'll take what I can get." The ox seized me around the waist again and captured my lips in another passionate, hungry kiss. I was annoyed with him this time, slightly tired of feeling so used, sore from what we had just done, and angry at the way he was treating me right now. It wasn't as though I had been particularly cold to him this morning or anything of the sort—he was jumping to unfair conclusions.

With these thoughts to strengthen my resolve, I somehow came up with the willpower to push him away. "No," I gasped, panting, my body reluctant to go. "Not when you're like this."

Haru grabbed me again. I put my hands on his shoulders and shoved hard, knocking him over. Sitting on the ground, wiping saliva from the kiss off of his face, Haru's eyes had a wide, deranged look. "Like this, huh?" he asked, his shoulders shaking with derisive laughter. "Ha! And you claim to love me. Guess what, Yuki? I'm a package deal!" My cousin pushed himself off of the ground, staggering as if drunk when he got back to his feet. "You said you wanted me. You even screwed me. Now you don't even want a kiss?"

"_I_ didn't screw anyone," I snapped, although I could feel my initial rush of tenacity dissolving. A package deal was the case, with Haru going black whenever he got angry. I couldn't have White Haru without Black Haru, not when he could change at any given moment if he was under pressure, so shouldn't I start getting used to the possessive, domineering side of him right now?

It seemed to me as though I would be surrendering my pride if I thought that way, but even now I could feel myself yearning to forgive him for handling me so roughly. I knew in the back of my mind that it was a bad idea, that he was out of control, that Black Haru could hurt me very badly if I was unwilling to fight back… _'A package deal.' _White Haru, my cousin and my love's face floated just behind my eyes, so that I could almost see it in real life. When I blinked, Black Haru was still there, but I was fine with that, and turned my attention to the more immediate problem: doing whatever he wanted, whatever it took to turn him back into White Haru. My only worry was that when he turned white again, he would be angry with himself for hurting me, when in my opinion there was nothing to feel guilty about. He couldn't control his black side—although it worried me that he was still black. I hadn't ever seen him stay in his black form for so long.

I let Black Haru grab me and pull me close to him, pressing his lips to mine and running his tongue over my lips. I opened my mouth and he took full advantage of the situation. I was afraid—I didn't want to stop him, to resist him the way I had earlier, but it seemed like he was angry with me for pushing him away when he forced that last kiss. He bit my lips, seemingly with the intent of making me bleed. I whimpered, but let him continue. Maybe he would get all of his stress out now and go back to the way he normally was. Maybe.

The lights went off upstairs, and Haru hissed in victory. "They're going to sleep. Now we just have to wait about half-an-hour, and we can go in there and have all the fun we want."

"So what are we going to do until then?" I asked warily, putting my fingers to my mouth. They came away bloody. My eyes rose to his face, which seemed like it was slightly worried. Maybe he was coming back to his normal, white state?

"I don't know," the ox replied, his voice less careless as it had been—and better yet, it wasn't malicious. There was definite concern in his next look, and his next comment was anxious. "Hey—are you all right?"

"Yeah," I said, recognizing that tone. He had gone white again. I was safe. I hadn't realized just how afraid I was of my inability to resist his violent black form, but it now raised a shudder through my spine. I knew I was lucky—I would have gone along with anything his black form had wanted, which may have ended up with me getting badly hurt.

Haru leaned it, his expression anxious. "You're not okay. You look terrifi…ed…" his voice trailed off as he noticed my bloody face. His eyes slowly, as though in a trance, slid downward, taking in my creased and rumpled shirt, my bloody pants. His face paled at the sight. "You… I… Damn…" he whispered, staring back at my face in horror. "I… I didn't mean… Yuki, I…"

"Don't apologize. Please." I smiled up at him slightly, trying to deter him from that idea. I didn't want Haru blaming himself for his black side—we all knew that it was an aspect of his personality that he couldn't control.

Haru looked down. "All right," he sighed, reaching for me and hugging me to his chest. I wriggled my arms free so that I could hug him back, squeezing him tight, trying to reassure him that there was nothing to forgive. A small part of me nagged that maybe he _should_ ask for forgiveness, but I pushed it aside. For now, I was content enough to let him hold me as his atonement.

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I cracked my eyes open the next morning, vaguely remembering that I had begun to fall asleep in Haru's arms. That would explain why I was in his room, sleeping in his bed. I looked to the side, and wondered whether or not to be surprised that he was still asleep. I decided to let it go. I sat up and swung my feet out of bed, then crumpled to the floor when I started to stand up. "Ow," I hissed—the events of last night had taken their toll on my body and made me sore. I lay there, choosing not to get up for a while. Finally I pushed myself to my feet, forcing myself to walk downstairs semi-normally. I don't think I managed to look normal; Haru's mother gave me a strange look as I passed her, but didn't ask me about it. I wasn't sure if she guessed that we'd slept together—I knew that she knew Haru was bisexual, but I wasn't sure if she knew that I liked other boys.

Haru had informed me way back in eighth grade, when I had first been allowed out of my room to live with Shigure, that everything in his house was mine too. I was glad about that; I didn't want to have to ask anyone to pour a cup of coffee. I wasn't sure what I felt today. It was hard to look kindly on Haru's actions in the cold light of morning, when I felt no pleasure from the act and all of its aftereffects. On the other hand, I knew that my cousin truly regretted taking my virginity in that way. I shook my head and took a sip of the coffee, sitting down and trying to pick apart my thoughts and decide how I felt.

I still wasn't sure an hour later when Haru came down, his eyes squinting, his hair sticking up all over without gel, his bare torso catching the light through the window in interesting patterns. "Hey Yuki," he said softly, pouring his own coffee and sitting down next to me. "Uh… are you feeling okay? I…"

I nodded, flashing him a princely smile. "I'm fine, Haru. Don't worry about it."

Haru had never been one to be fooled by my prince smiles. "Don't give me that, Yuki. Say what's on your mind, and if what's on your mind is the desire to beat me with a penguin, then have at it."

I couldn't help but laugh, feeling my heart melt a little. "A penguin? Where do you get these ideas?" I asked my love, deciding at that point that I was unable to stay angry with him. "Really, Haru," I assured the ox, reaching across the table to grip his hand. "I'm fine. Quit worrying about it, okay?"

Haru nodded. "All right." He smiled, a real smile rather than the weak one he would have given if I hadn't convinced him. "So what do you want to do today, Yuki?" he asked, downing the rest of his still half-full cup of coffee, spilling a good portion of that onto his smooth, flat chest. "Cr…" he began, grabbing a fistful of napkins and cleaning the liquid off. "Stupid hot coffee."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. That stuff is _hot _though," the ox complained, glaring at his coffee cup, and then looking back up at me. "Don't spill it on yourself, Yuki."

"I won't. I'm going to finish my coffee like a civilized human being." To prove my point, I took a sip of coffee, normal sized, not spilling any of it on my shirt or skin. "I don't care what we do today."

Haru smiled. "Well… I guess we can figure that out as we go along."

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**Okay, I don't know if anyone will be upset about more White Haru fluff. I wanted to write it. However, I'm trying to think of a big catastrophe, because I want to write Black Haru scenes for the next couple chapters. (I'm sure Yuki will thank me.) I would welcome any ideas or advice from my readers, so speak up! Don't be shy!**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hiya everyone! My current excuse for going more than a week without updating is my grades: I want to pull them WAAAY up… and with SOLs coming up to give me extra credit (advanced pass gets you 10 points added to your final exam in biology and geometry—I need it!) I've been studying. Seriously. …Yes, and making AMVs, reading a new manga series, and debating Harry Potter, but I've been studying too. There… My excuse.**

**Disclaimer: Fruits Basket has no boyxboy in the actual canon pairings, and seriously, it seems like I can't write any original stories/draw any original manga these days without having slash. I will also point out that I am FAR too young to have drawn Furuba—it's been going on since 1990-what? **

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Sundays tended to be pretty quiet for both Haru's family and my household. By the time we were finished loafing around Haru's house and holding meaningless, trivial, wonderful conversations, it was nearly five in the afternoon. Really, we weren't finished, but school was a sad reality for the both of us. I remembered being annoyed when I first found out that Haru would be attending the same school as me, and shook my head: How could I have ever been bothered by that?

"You look thoughtful," Haru commented, jarring me back to the present as his hands ghosted over my stomach, lightly tickling me.

"Hey—ah! Quit it!" I yelped, knocking his hand away from my ticklish flesh.

"I'm going to use your ticklishness against you," my love informed me, the look in his eyes solemn and deadly serious. "I have another secret of yours in my power…"

I snorted. Haru had known I was ticklish ever since second grade, but this was the first time he'd shown he remembered in several years. "Seriously, don't—hey!" I pushed his hand aside again, gasping. "Enough already!"

"Want to sleep over at my house?" Haru asked, changing the subject abruptly, taking my hand in his gently, his eyes intense in his unique, unfathomable way. When his eyes became so deep, I could never tell whether he was joking around or being deadly serious, and I swallowed hard, unsure of what he was thinking.

"We… we have school tomorrow," I replied, feeling uneasy at the idea of staying over at Haru's house, even though consciously I knew that he wasn't going to do anything I didn't want. He wasn't out of control right now, after all. I told myself this, and reminded myself that I had slept over at his house before, and no one would suspect that anything was between us, yet I couldn't shake my discomfort.

"Oh yeah, that's right. School." Haru frowned, tracing the lines in the palm of my hand. I smiled at the light touch of his fingers. "Cursed school. I can't wait for summer vacation…" he smiled at the same time as I did. "Well, do you want to walk back to Sensei's house together?"

"Sure," I replied, standing up, feeling strangely relieved that he hadn't put up a fuss. I suddenly realized that I had been half worried that he would—why? I had no reason to think that way! I gave myself a mental slap, deciding that the events of yesterday had simply shaken me up too much. Haru never went black without some sort of reason, and a reasonable reminder of school wouldn't have set him off, would it?

I ignored the nagging part of my brain that argued that he shouldn't have been set off when I had acted as though nothing had changed in front of Tohru, shoving that nasty little voice to the back of my head and offering my hand to Haru. My cousin took my hand and pulled himself to his feet, then, continuing to hold hands, we made for the door.

An ominous rumble of thunder sounded over our heads as we stepped outside. I blinked—was there a storm in the forecast? "Let's hurry," Haru said, the puzzled look on his face making me wonder if he was thinking the same thing I had been. "It'd be good to get to Sensei's before it starts raining or something. We don't need you getting cold and having an attack…"

"You treat me like glass," I grumbled, although I didn't really mean it. It actually made me feel secure when Haru acted that way—it reassured me that he did indeed love me, care about my wellbeing. I squeezed his hand as we set off, and he returned the gesture—but he didn't let go the way I had. "Haru, you're crushing my fingers," I told him as I began to lose feeling in my hand.

"Sorry," my love said, relaxing his grip slightly. "Should I kiss them better?" he asked, his voice gone entirely serious again.

I laughed, slapping my free hand to my forehead. "Aha… you're funny, Haru."

Haru smiled tenderly, then looked up at the sky as a drop of water his him on the nose. "Looks like it's starting. I'll bet Kyo's thrilled."

I sighed at the mention of my stupid housemate. "Oh well, everything annoys _him_," I replied unsympathetically. Haru just smiled and let go of my hand to pull off his jacket.

"Here," he said, holding it over my head. "Is this blocking the rain?"

"It's not raining hard enough for that to be necessary," I informed him.

Haru shrugged and draped the jacket over my shoulders—another unnecessary gesture, but one that made my stomach flutter just because it seemed like such a sweet thing to do. I clutched the garment with one hand and sought Haru's hand with my other. We continued the walk back to Shigure's hand in hand as the rain began to come down harder.

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"Well, don't you two look nice and happy," Shigure commented idly, looking up from his undoubtedly over-due manuscript as Haru and I entered the house, soaked to the skin and shivering—the temperature had taken a turn for the worse, and the rain had turned into sleet. "Yuki-kun, Haa-kun, you're dripping all over my poor floor that our beloved Tohru-kun just cleaned yesterday!"

"N—nice to—o see you to—oo, Sen—sei," Haru chattered, his teeth clacking together. He stripped his jacket that I had insisted on sharing with him off of his side, assisting me with getting it off of my arm and shoulders. The garment had lasted for maybe ten minutes before becoming entirely soaked, and now it was simply making both of us colder.

"Well, Kyo-kun's taken the shower so you two will have to wait until he's done. Haa-kun, are you going to stay over?"

"I hadn't planned on it," Haru replied, looking out the window at the sleet pouring down and the flashes out lightning. It seemed odd to have a thunderstorm so late in the year, and I was pretty sure that Haru was thinking the same thing. Odd—and convenient? Or was this more of an inconvenient occurrence? I couldn't decide.

"It's sleeting out there, Haa-kun. I wouldn't go home in this weather. Come to think of it, have I ever seen a thunderstorm with sleet?" Shigure wondered, a musing tone coming into his voice. "It's so poetic. The thunder crashes, the lightning flashes, the sleet comes pouring down, the dark, handsome stranger pushes the fair young virgin onto a bed of rose petals—ow!"

I had hit Shigure hard, my face flushed at the image that had popped into my head at that description. "Enough with your perverted ideas!" I yelled at my older cousin.

The man rubbed his head, pretending to cry as though I had honestly hurt him. "Yuki-kun is so cruel." His face suddenly took on a serious, all-knowing look. "I knew it! This is _precisely _the setting that Yuki-kun had planned on using to take advantage of Toh—"

Shigure's sentence was cut off as I gripped his windpipe. "I said I've had enough of your perverted ideas, didn't I?" I asked, a bright, icy smile coming to my lips as I tightened my grip. Shigure only gurgled in response. I dropped the man in annoyed disgust.

"Fine. After I gave you a roof over your head and a home, you treat me so coldly," the dog complained, turning away from me. "Haa-kun, stay over. If you try to walk home in this weather you'll get killed, and I don't think Tori-san would be very happy coming over to pick you up in this weather."

Haru shrugged. "All right. I'll call my parents. Yuki, go shower," he added, turning to me with a frown. "Your lips are blue," he added, leaning in close and placing a finger to my lips, which indeed were very cold.

'Not here,' I mouthed to Haru, afraid that Shigure would turn around and see us lip-locked—that would be mortifying. Haru nodded agreeably and backed up slightly. I gave him a small smile before going upstairs and pulling my favorite pair of soft, light blue pajamas out of their drawer in my room. I had worn them recently, but evidently Tohru had done laundry.

The door to the bathroom was open—I supposed that the idiot cat had gotten out. My teeth chattered as I pulled off my soaked clothing. Looking in the mirror, I noted that my lips actually were tinted blue, and my skin was pale in the cold, although the icy feel of the sleet had brought a red tint to my cheeks. I looked past all of that and observed my slender, feminine body—the one that was so often mistaken for a girl's. How could Haru see anything in me? Wouldn't he prefer someone more masculine, or was he more open because he was bisexual, not hard-core gay? I shook my head, trying to shake off my feelings of inadequacy. For some reason, Haru didn't seem to mind my effeminate looks, so maybe it was time to get over them.

I turned the water on hot, and yelped at the icy droplets that met my skin. I waited for the water to warm up, but no luck—it appeared that the damn cat had used up all the hot water. "I'll bet he did that on purpose," I muttered, shuddering at the freezing drops that hit my already icy flesh. I hurried as quickly through my shower as I could, before toweling off quickly and pulling on my pajamas. Unfortunately, my still wet hair dripped water onto the cloth, causing it to stick to my skin, nullifying the warming effect of the flannel.

My entire body was tinted blue with the cold when I exited the bathroom. "Out of hot water," I gasped when Haru gave me a questioning look. I noticed with a blush that he had stripped away his shirt and jeans, leaving him in only his boxers. "And do you have to walk around other people's houses nearly naked?" I asked, barely controlling my chattering teeth.

"Why not? Sensei said Tohru's in her room doing homework, and I can ignore Kyo," he told me. "Out of hot water… that's a shame. You should get in bed or something, warm up a little."

I nodded, forcing down that unwanted, perverted part of my mind that read a different meaning into Haru's words. I'd never thought of myself as particularly perverted, and I didn't think that now was the time to become that way. I walked into my room, shivering, and dropped into my bed, pulling the covers up all around me. I had the sneaking suspicion that Haru would want to sleep in my room, but I didn't bother laying out a futon for him. If he wanted to sleep in my room, then he could share my bed. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was just begging for trouble, but I pushed those thoughts away and curled up even tighter, waiting for Haru to finish showering and come to my room.

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**Didn't manage to work Black Haru into that one either… sorry! I was trying, but I decided to end it here… well, I'll start working on the next chapter right away. I'll get something like the disclaimer done—my Tae Kwon Do class starts in 25 minutes. If my mom's not home in 10 minutes, I'm going to walk… it's only about a 7 minute walk.**

**Well, reviews and advice are always welcome. I've got a shadow of the next chapter in mind, but as always, ideas are taken into consideration. I'm planning on using some ideas from reviewers in the next chapter, actually…**


	9. Chapter 9

**They actually cancelled Tae Kwon Do, so I didn't have a class. I walked into the dojo with my full uniform and sparring gear, and we weren't having class! XD. I wasn't the only one who did it though (Thank God, that would have been embarrassing). Anyways, our director is leaving—my friend has a theory, which I thought was far-fetched at first but actually ties a lot of pieces together. Huh. So I went today instead. Well, I was planning to anyways, but still…**

**I just finished listening to Eden by To Destination, which is the theme song to Yami no Matsuei. Uh… maybe I shouldn't have listened to that… it puts me in the mood for fluff, and I **_**really **_**want Black Haru in this chapter. Actually, I'm coming back and writing this part after restarting my computer. He's there, all my readers who claim that they have been smut deprived. Don't worry. :D **

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"You're still blue," Haru commented, kneeling down next to me a little while later, clad in a pair of my soft, silky, white pajamas. "You match your clothes. It's sort of funny."

I cracked my eyes open, and then sat up in shock—I'd fallen asleep? Glancing at my clock, I realized that to my shock, it was seven o'clock PM. Normally I could never fall asleep that early—and I hadn't even registered being tired!

Haru sat down on my bed, the mattress springs creaking softly under our combined weight. "So, do you feel any warmer at least? I'm going to pound Kyo in the morning for using up all of the hot water."

"He's not worth it. Stupid cat," I replied, sitting up slowly. "So you're staying over, I take it?"

"Yup," Haru replied. "Uh… is it okay if I sleep in here?"

I gave him a 'Do you really need to ask that?' type of look. "I'm not exactly going to exile you to the couch," I informed him, sliding over as a blatant hint that he could sleep in my bed tonight.

Haru slid under the covers, sliding an arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to him. I let out a slight, embarrassingly squeaky noise of protest, but his almost unnaturally warm body felt good against my chilled flesh, and when I relaxed into his hold, the contact felt really nice. I leaned my head on his chest and wriggled my arm under him so that I could hold onto him. "I'm not normally tired this early," I muttered sleepily, turning my head so that I could smell Haru's scent more clearly. It was gentle and reassuring—just like Haru himself was right now.

Haru began to stroke my hair, and I could hear a slight smile in his voice. "I'm not surprised if your body shuts down in the cold. That's really not abnormal," he told me, placing a gentle kiss on top of my head. "Go ahead and sleep," he murmured, his breath blowing my hair, grazing my scalp.

I was all too happy to oblige. Lulled by the feel of Haru's arms, I began to fall asleep easily, finally slipping off into a world of dreams.

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A rough shaking awoke me. "Uhn…" I mumbled, half-awakened, drowsily letting my arms flop around as someone shook my shoulders. "Wha?"

"Wake up, Yuki." My eyes flew open at the edge in Haru's voice—I instantly became wide-awake as I recognized that something was wrong with his voice. "Come on, I know you aren't still asleep." My eyes met his, and I saw his darkened irises—darkened as though he was black, but also fevered, sick looking. "Come on, Yuki-uke, wake up already!" My head slammed painfully into the wall as he gave my shoulders an incredibly rough shake with his cold, clammy hands.

"Ow!" I yelped, jerking free and rubbing my head. "_What _did you just call me?" I demanded furiously, glaring at him. There was no reason for him to have gone off like this…

A closer look revealed that his eyes were unfocused, and that the sick, fevered look that they held was complimented by his clammy, sweat covered skin and sluggish, if overly-forceful movements. Oh God, he'd gotten sick walking home in the rain and having to wait longer than I had to warm up. I felt like an idiot. Of course Haru would have treated me courteously and insist that I get the first shower and everything—now he'd gotten sick. "Haru, get off. You're sick. We need to get Hatori," I told him, trying to push my cousin off of me.

Haru's grip tightened on my shoulders. It didn't seem like he'd heard a single word that I'd said. "Good, you're awake. I knew you were." He grabbed my chin, his darkened, fever-glazed eyes boring into mine as he dragged my face up towards his and crushed my lips against his. I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to push him away, but couldn't seem to muster the will to fight back with my full strength. He was _sick_, after all—it seemed like he was half-delirious. It wouldn't be fair to act as though he was normal right now.

Wait a second. A rational part of my brain broke through my half-terrified, half resigned haze of emotions. Where was the worry for my own well-being? Besides, if Haru was so ill that he had lost his mind, the best thing to do would be to call—

Haru's hands slipped down my pajama pants and one of them began to stroke me while the other pulled the clothes away from my body. Despite my attempts to ignore him and push him away, I lost track of the thought that I'd been entertaining and any will to escape that I had retained before. "Ung!" I gasped, breaking away from the kiss, aware that at some point during the kiss Haru had pushed me down to the bed, his knees pinning me down. "H-Haru," I gasped as he let go for a minute, teasing me. I bucked my hips in protest, and with a drowsy, delirious grin, he resumed petting my erection, leaving me wondering why I had been trying to push him away. Something about… my thoughts were racing, so blurred that I gave up trying to make sense of them, gave up thinking at all.

Haru clumsily pulled his own pajama pants down and lifted my legs roughly, jerkily, settling them clumsily on his shoulders. "Wai—wha—" I screamed as Haru thrust roughly into me, my hands clutching for something to hold, the pain overwhelming. "HARUUU!" My hands found the edge of my mattress and I seized it, panting, tears streaming out of the corners or my eyes.

Haru paused, his glazed eyes confused. "Oh… sorry," he said, his voice still that of his angered—or apparently sick as well— black side, yet a hint of remorse was evident—almost as though he was a combination of both sides. It was very strange, but I barely registered that. All I cared about was that he'd stopped, waiting until I had adjusted. "Okay?" he asked, his tone sluggish, his body movements equally so. Without waiting for me to respond, he pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in. I gasped at the pleasure, the pain gone. With the agony no longer there, I reached my climax quickly, Haru climaxing right after me.

Haru collapsed, his entire body quivering. Gently I eased him off of me; he struggled a little, but his actions seemingly had sapped him of all of his energy. "I'm not done," he muttered, reaching drowsily for me. "I can't get enough of you, Yuki. You said you loved me, so get back here…"

I shook my head. "Haru, you're sick, and you've gone black. I'm going to call Hatori." I pulled my pants back over my hips and located Haru's pajama pants, shaking slightly at the idea of touching him. I knew that the burst of energy that had come on with his black form was gone, his strength sapped by his fever, but my instincts told me to run as far from him as I could.

Haru gripped my wrist as I slid the pants up his thighs. "Come on, Yuki, he whispered, his grip tightening crushingly on my arm, trying to drag my hand up to where he wanted it.

I thrust my arm downward, twisted my wrist, and yanked free of his hold. "Enough," I ordered, glaring down at him. "I'm serious, Haru!"

"Oh really? You seriously don't want to do anything with me? I thought you liked the sex. I thought you wanted it. Is this just a 'when it's convenient for Yuki' relationship?" Haru's pitch-black, glazed eyes bored into me, but I refused to let the words cut me just as I refused to think about what had just happened. Maybe when I consented the way I had been ready to the first time, just a couple nights ago, I would enjoy it, but not when it was forced this way! I finished dressing him, and he lay there, thankfully still now that he had gotten those sharp, wounding words out.

"_A 'when it's convenient for Yuki' relationship."_ I couldn't even make it down the stairs to the phone without the words slicing at me. I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I knew I shouldn't let it get to me. I knew that Haru was black, sick, delirious, all-and-all not in his right mind. Still, it was hurtful to hear those words played back at me like a broken record. I tried to remind myself that I was doing what I should be doing, that I was in love with White Haru, not Black Haru, reminding myself again and again that Black Haru wasn't the best I could do, that Akito had lied when he'd said no one would love me. I wasn't inferior. I had the right to not want to sleep with my boyfriend when he wasn't in his right mind.

It was one thing to tell myself this, and another thing to believe that I had the right to not unconditionally do what Haru wanted when I felt that he was lowering himself to be with me. I hit my head against the wall, trying to find the energy to stand up and get to the phone. _'It's for Haru,' _I reminded myself. Yes… no matter what side of his personality he was showing, I had to go get help. I staggered to my feet and to the phone, dialing the number for Hatori's cell phone.

Damn it. I had gotten his voice mail. "Hatori, it's Yuki. Uh… Haru's… Haru's sick, we had to walk home in the sleet, and I think he's delirious. Um… he has a fever. Could you come over as soon as you get this? Thanks." I hung up the phone and sank to the floor again. I should go see Haru, but I was sick with fear at the idea. I let out a little laugh. Hadn't I _tried _to get him to go for me just a couple days ago? I was really getting far ahead of myself, if I already wanted him to stop it. I shook my head. No, it was like he'd said before: He was a package deal, and this relationship couldn't be merely a convenience for me. No, I had to do things for him too, to balance it out. I slowly stood up and headed back upstairs to my room.

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**Ugh. I don't think that was my best effort… but I'm not concentrating incredibly well now. I'm thinking too much about finishing Chapter 1 on another fan fiction I've been working on for months—it's slow coming because it's historical fan fiction, so I have to be careful. All about the Sohma family during the Salem witch hunts… if I ever get it up, maybe some of you will check it out. Who knows?**

**I think that someone had commented that they wondered if Yuki would get sick. I entertained that idea at first, but I wasn't quite certain how to get Haru to turn black, and I thought that if he had a fever high enough to effect his brain, it may throw his emotions out of whack. Besides, I torment Yuki so much, poor Haru needs a turn! (Uh... and why is he poor Haru if this is the first time I've physically tortured him? Heheh...)**

**By the way, I know that some people write 'Grey Haru' fan fictions. This is NOT one of them. I know I wrote that it seemed almost like Haru was a mix between both sides, but he's fully Black Haru in this chapter--I just decided that even Black Haru would behave differently when he was sick.**

**-Sigh- So anyways, give me feedback, good and bad. I'm too drowsy to see if this is any good right now… If I look at it later and decide it's crap, or if you all don't like it, then I'll re-write it… Well, this note is too long. Review please, so that I can have feedback to update with!**


	10. Chapter 10

**It's been longer than I would have liked… a thousand apologies! Exams, a sprained foot, videos to make, a visit from my grandparents, Nee-chan's 16th birthday (Happy birthday several days late Nee-chan!) new music… ok, there is not a great reason. I haven't even been studying a lot… crap I'll fail! Not really… I'm sure I'll be fine! Ok, why do I have that annoying habit of brining my personal life into my authors notes? AUGH!!**

**Disclaimer: Takaya-sensei, the creator and owner of Fruits Basket, loves video games. I do not play video games, whereas they are most of what she talks about in her sidebars. I also speak Japanese quite poorly, unlike Natsuki Takaya, as she is Japanese and therefore fluent. If there is still a question in anyone's mind as to whether or not I own Fruits Basket (or write valid disclaimers) please see Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter to discern whether I will ever claim these rights I do not have. Of course, can you really trust Professor Trelawney? Muahaha…**

**Oh wait, and I think I forgot to give credit to one of my reviewers last chapter. I must thank **_**UncensoredHaruLover**_** for giving me the idea of having those two wake up at night to discover that Haru was in his black form. A thousand thanks for your idea!**

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I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed when I walked back into my room to find Haru in a fitful sleep, beads of sweat collecting at his forehead. I had wanted to apologize to him, but maybe now was not the time. I paused, trying to think if I could do anything while I waited for Hatori to check his voicemail. I finally elected to go back downstairs and get an icepack for his head, vaguely remembering Tohru had done that for me when I had had one of my attacks. I laid the towel over Haru's head, wincing as I felt how warm it was. Could someone die from such a high fever, or was I just having a freak-out?

A rush of nausea suddenly hit me. I dashed to the bathroom, defaulting to the sink when the toilet was too far away. I heaved into the porcelain, my mind whirling. It was slowly sinking into me that I was being used by Haru, but that it wasn't his conscious choice. It had already sunk in to me that it was my fault that Haru was sick, and that if I had noticed his unnatural warmth when he had first come to bed I could have called Hatori then and none of this would have happened. I groaned and tried to throw up again, wanting to forget everything, but nothing came out of my mouth.

I still felt like vomiting, but I washed the contents of my stomach down the sink and left, knowing it wasn't going to happen. Slowly, feeling like there was a crushing weight on my shoulders, I made my way back to my room to watch Haru sleep. He was sprawled out on top of my bed, sweating even in the thin pajamas he wore, and the icepack had slipped off of his head. I replaced the towel and icepack, the clammy feel of his hot forehead frightening me again. If Hatori wasn't picking up his phone, I didn't know what to do. There were other doctors in the Sohma family, I knew that, but I didn't really know any of them. I had met Kana briefly, but I had no doubt that since I had been with Hatori at the time, she had forgotten it. I couldn't bother a stranger in the middle of the night unless the situation was very serious…

I looked at Haru again, and seeing his eyelids twitching in his restless sleep, hearing his harsh and ragged breathing, I decided that the situation was serious enough. I would try Hatori's phone one more time, and if that didn't work I would call Kana. I crept back downstairs, annoyed with myself for having misplaced my recently purchased cell phone already.

I was relieved when this time Hatori picked up—I wouldn't have to deal with talking to people I didn't know very well. _"Hello…" _I felt a little bit guilty. I could tell from the groggy tone of his voice that I had just woken Hatori up from the little sleep he could catch.

"Hatori, Haru's sick," I said quickly.

"_Who's calling?" _Hatori asked irritably. Apparently he was very unhappy about being woken up, but I had expected that.

"Yuki," I answered. "He's at Shigure's house, and I think he's delirious."

I heard Hatori groan softly. _"I'll be over." _As an afterthought—perhaps he was too out of it to end the call, I heard him mutter, _"If it's not Ayame wanting to go somewhere at one in the morning, it's someone getting drastically ill…"_

I hung up and went back upstairs. Haru let out a little groan when I picked up his sweat-covered hand I could see that he was shivering. Although he had felt warm before, his body suddenly seemed very cold. I looked to his face, and saw that his lips were turning blue.

This was serious. I eased my blankets out from under him and laid them over him, hesitating before crawling under the covers myself and wrapping my arms around him. A compulsive shudder went through his body at the contact. I buried my face in his shoulder and clung to his quivering, icy frame. I prayed to anything and everything; to Akito, to gods from other religions, to Haru, to inanimate objects; prayed that Hatori would get to Shigure's soon. This was scaring me. I didn't know the symptoms for hypothermia, but his skin was so cold! I was fairly certain that if he didn't have hypothermia, or something along those lines, then we would be incredibly lucky.

"Uhn…" Haru's arms moved slowly, far too slowly, until they found me, wrapping loosely around my waist. I tensed up, nervous—holding his was fine when he was asleep, or when I knew he was white, but the violence and single-mindedness his black side had been showing recently scared me. I chanced a look to his face. His eyes were slits, barely cracked open. His ears, with his lips, had turned blue. His eyes were far too bright, but they weren't the insane, possessed eyes of his black side. I released a sigh of relief, and immediately felt guilty—Haru was sick! How on earth could I feel relieved about anything until he was better?

"I'm cold," Haru whispered, shaking as he tried to sit up. "What…"

"Don't move, Haru!" I whispered, clinging more tightly to him, trying to use my body weight to keep him lying down. I was heavy and strong enough that in his weakened state—and possibly in his normal state—my cousin didn't have the energy or power to elevate his body. I felt his muscles relax a little, although he was still twitching.

"Okay. Yeah. That sounds good," he whispered, closing his eyes. "Yuki, what's happening? I'm cold."

"I know," I answered unsteadily. "I called Hatori. I think you got sick walking home." _'And I think it's my fault,' _I added to myself.

Haru's eyes closed, and I began to panic. Was it good or bad for him to slip into unconsciousness? "Haru, come on, don't go back to sleep now!" I whispered sharply, squeezing his unnaturally paper-white body. "Stay awake!"

Haru didn't seem to hear me. His shivering was beginning to slow though, which I thought was probably a good sign. I relaxed my grip slightly, but remained holding him, trying to keep him warm. My own eyes were attempting to close, the lids heavy, but I forced myself to stay awake. I couldn't fall asleep now—I couldn't sleep until Haru was okay!

I heard a key turn in the lock downstairs, and sighed with relief. It was Hatori—it had to be. I slipped out from under the covers and went downstairs to bring him up to my room.

Hatori was peeling off a rain jacket, a few dappled, darkened spots on his leather medical bag—not to mention the soaked rain gear—letting me know that it was still raining heavily outside. "Where's Haru?" Hatori asked me brusquely—none of the standard, polite greetings. I didn't blame him—we were family, it was one in the morning, and there was a possible crisis at hand.

"Upstairs," I said. Hatori's eyebrows rose—he knew that Haru ordinarily slept on the couch. I simply prayed that as the stiffest, most formal person I knew, Hatori's mind was far enough out of the gutter that he wouldn't guess the truth about me and Haru—though even if he did, I knew that he wouldn't bring it up.

Hatori followed me up to my room, brushing past me to reach the bed. His examination of Haru seemed to take forever; finally, he stood up and turned to me. "He has mild hypothermia, but it's setting into the third stage. I need you to try and warm him up with your body heat while I make him something warm to drink. Make sure he drinks it. It's not severe enough for him to need to go to the hospital right now, but if it gets any worse, we might have to call an ambulance."

"Okay," I agreed, crawling next to my love and wrapping my arms around him again. His shudders had stopped completely, but his body was even colder than it had been before. "Wake up," I whispered, shaking him slightly. "Haru, wake up!" _'Please.'_

Haru's eyes opened slightly. His mouth opened slightly, but he didn't say anything, didn't seem to notice that I was there.

Hatori came back up with a tall mug of hot, sweetened tea. "I'm going to make some more for him to drink after he finishes that," the doctor told me, setting the mug down on my bedside table.

I picked up the mug and began to pour it into Haru's open mouth. Suddenly there was a cloud of smoke, and I was pushed backwards. My bed crumpled under the weight of the ox now lying on its side where Haru's human form had once been.

I groaned slightly. It was not unexpected, admittedly, but it would still be more of a hassle to get an ox to drink than a human. I pried his mouth open and poured the tea down his throat, more than half of the liquid spilling onto the ruins of my bed. I went to a linen closet and pulled some fresh blankets out, covering the ox's enormous body with them. Hatori had brought up another mug of hot, sweetened tea and a tall glass of warm water, while I had been getting the blankets, it seemed. I forced both down Haru's throat, and then covered him up again, preparing to stay up all night doing this.

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**I had to research hypothermia to write this, since I know nothing about it myself. If I have made errors describing the symptoms and treatment, I offer my apologies.**

**One week until my summer break starts! Exams will be over soon for everyone I hope, if they aren't already. To all my readers who have exams coming, good luck! To those who have finished their exams, I guess there is nothing stopping you from reviewing, right?**

**Last chapter, I didn't get very many reviews. It was possibly my least favorite chapter, so I hope that after reading this chapter, some of you will go back and offer me some criticism—really, I think it could have been improved. This one too, as I tried to describe a condition I am unfamiliar with, I am very hesitant about saying whether or not it is good. If you have any corrections at all to make, or if you want to say something complimentary, I don't care, just say it. As long as you can add some constructive ideas for improvement, flames are fine too. : D**


	11. Chapter 11

**And here we are on the brink of another chapter! I have work camp from this Saturday to next Saturday, so unless I can get in another update before then, expect at least two weeks before I can get the next chapter up. A hundred thousand apologies… -throws a Ritsu-like apology fit-**

**Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is not mine. Psht, are you kidding me? I come nowhere NEAR the awesome Takaya-sensei when it comes to my artwork.**

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I was dead on my feet the next morning—dead on my feet and not willing to go to school. Of course, I was also unwilling to worry Honda-san, argue with Hatori, or show weakness in front of the damn cat, so I packed up my bag and dressed in my school uniform as normal, prepared to trust Hatori to take care of Haru for the rest of the day. The crisis was over—Haru's body temperature was getting back to normal, he had turned human again, and had even begun to stir by the time I had to leave to walk to school. I stopped to place a kiss on his forehead before turning to leave my room. Haru's hand twitched towards mine, but he otherwise showed no response. With a sad smile I flipped the light off and left my room, closing the door behind me.

Kyo walked ahead of Tohru and me as usual, a scowl firmly in place on his features—no different than any other day. I glared at his back, a firm death wish towards him lodged in my heart. Maybe if he hadn't _used up all the hot water_ Haru wouldn't have gotten so sick! I felt the anger rising in my throat and looked away before I gave in to the urge to leap on him and beat him bloody. I knew that it really wasn't the idiot cat's fault, it was just easier to pin the blame on him.

'_Stop taking the easy way out and own up. It's your fault.' _I tried to ignore the accusatory voice in my head, but it there didn't seem to be any escaping my inner fears.

"Yuki-kun? Are you okay?"

I forced a smile onto my face and turned to face Tohru. At least if nothing else, the girl was sweet and naive, would undoubtedly accept my little white lie. "Of course, Honda-san. I didn't sleep well, that's all."

"Eh?" Tohru gasped, dropping her bag as she clapped her hands to her face in horror. "Ah! My…"

I picked her bag up for her and dusted it off, handing it back to her. "Really, Honda-san. No need to worry. Haru's a little sick, so I'm worried about—"

"Hatsuharu-san?" she burst out, concern written all over her face. "Oh—I'm sorry! I interrupted you. That was rude."

"It's fine," I assured her. "Why don't you go try and get the i… Kyo to stop sulking?" I hated that I was trying to get rid of her, but right now I was tired, worried, and confused—the perfect combination for needing some time to myself. As Tohru stepped up to work on cheering Kyo up out of his sullen natural state, I was able to be alone with my thoughts.

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Possibly for the first time in my life, I didn't go to class that day. I'll admit to feeling very guilty for skipping, but I couldn't face a day of going to class, of smiling at all the girls who came to talk to me, of going to student council and breaking up quarrels between Kimi and Naohito and Kakeru. I knew better than to hang out in the bathrooms—as a student council officer, how many times had I reported people I had caught skipping class in the world's most obvious place? I went to the student council room instead—at least if anyone caught me, I could claim that I had permission to be out to work on plans for the next cultural festival—a perfectly legit excuse. I knew I would feel bad about this later and it would add to my guilt load, but right now…

"Yun-yun's here? YUN-YUN! You're skipping class? Bad Yun-yun! Save the rule breaking for the vice president of the student defense force, ready to take the hit in place of his leader!"

I should have known that even in the student council room, I wouldn't be able to get any peace…

I gathered my things and passed Kakeru, ignoring his shouts after me as I left the room. This was stupid: I didn't care what Hatori would say when I came home before my first class was even over, I didn't care if Shigure would say stupid things about irresponsible youth. I did care that Tohru would probably worry, but I couldn't just stay at school and face the day before I knew for certain that Haru was one-hundred percent all right.

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The curtains were wide open and my room flooded with light when I got back to Shigure's house. Haru was sitting up, his legs swung over the side of the bed, reading my English IV textbook, an empty mug of what had probably been more tea sitting on my bedside table. He looked up at the sound of the door creaking open and his face split into a grin. "Yuki! You're back early. Don't you have school?"

"Yeah," I replied sheepishly, closing the door and walking over to him, sitting down next to him on the bed. "I ditched."

"Wow. That's not like you," my cousin replied, slinging his arm around me. I noticed that his motions were slower and more clumsy than normal, that his skin still felt cooler than it should.

"I was worried," I admitted, leaning into him and wrapping one of my arms around his waist. "I feel so guilty…"

"Guilty?" Haru asked incredulously. "Why? Have you been hiding your identity as the all-powerful Weather God from me?"

"Weather God? You're so weird," I laughed. "No, just… maybe if you'd showered first and gotten changed first…"

"What if you'd been the one to get sick Yuki?" Haru asked me, angling his head to meet my eyes. "You have weak bronchial tubes, and you know it. You might have _died _if it were you. I'll bet you'd have had an attack on top of getting hypothermia. I'd rather it was me getting sick."

"You're too selfless, Haru," I whispered nearly soundlessly, feeling more guilty than ever. Haru was glad it was him rather than me because he was worried about my help, and I'd been wishing that it was me rather than him so that I wouldn't have to feel so culpable. If anything, Haru's altruistic attitude made me feel more selfish and worse than I had before.

"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm fine now." Haru shook me lightly, his cold hand gripping my shoulder. "Relax, Yuki. I don't know where you get off blaming yourself for an honest mistake."

"No, you're right," I admitted, trying to convince myself. My head could believe Haru's words. It didn't make sense that it was my fault. I honestly couldn't control the weather, the amount of heat left in the shower, or any of the other factors that had led up to Haru getting sick. Now if only I could convince my conscience that…

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**It's short. It may be disjointed. It was entirely filler. Many apologies. I don't think I'll be able to update again before work camp, but I wanted to get this up before I go. I should be able to update again—hopefully with something a little better—in about two weeks. In the meantime, everyone enjoy the start of summer/the end of school!**


	12. Chapter 12

**It's been a while, hasn't it? Heh… many apologies. I went to the beach right after work camp, and came back to writers block. Then, on my way home from Tae kwon do today, I had an 'aha! We have nothing from Haru's POV' moment! Haru's POV won't pop up much in this fan fic, but what can you do with burning inspiration?**

**BTW, for all my faithful fans (Many apologies to you!) I will be removing this fan fiction from my account within a month. Don't worry—I will be posting it on a different account under the same title, characters, rating, and summary. I won't mess with the chapters either, no matter how tempted I get. I'm mainly putting this up for those of you who DON'T REVIEW (and I know you are out there!) because I can't tell you personally. Account name is **_**Ashita no Yuki**_**. I will put it up in a few days and leave it here for as long as I feel safe with my newly suspicious parents hanging around.**

**Ok, what am I doing? I don't own Fruits Basket, and if only I didn't own this incredibly stupid brain that babbles on we'd be all good! Fruits Basket belongs to the genius Natsuki Takaya, my works beside whom's appear to be pale and childish (That they are.)**

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_**HARU'S POV**_

Yuki had always been so passive.

If I'd wanted to, I could have held back. When I felt my black side rising up, taking advantage of my impatience and desires, I could have forced it down, pushed away the dark emotions, kept myself in check. Somehow, I never did. Somehow, I chose to let go, to allow myself to snap, to allow myself to hurt Yuki. Why? Why did I let myself go so much? At my hands Yuki bled, he bruised, he _broke_. There was no reason he would stay with me if I hadn't broken his spirit irreparably.

Why then? Why did I continue to stay with him? I knew that it would be better for Yuki if I left him alone, it would be healthier, and maybe—just maybe—he could have a chance at happiness. I knew that as long as he stayed with me, with my random surges of uncalled-for violence, there was no way he could ever find the joy in life that he was entitled too. My mind presented me with these arguments almost daily, but I never listened. I simply continued to bury them when I was with Yuki, to smile, to be lost in the bliss of being with him. After the times when I went black, my mind would remind me of all my flaws, all the reasons why I should let my cousin go. And still, here I was, sitting in Yuki's room, on Yuki's bed, staring into his deep, guilt haunted silver eyes.

_It's not your fault. _I had told him that so many times, but I could sense that my cousin was having trouble believing that. Damn it, it wasn't his fault that I had gotten sick. It was no one's fault. I couldn't believe that Yuki was able to force himself to be in the same room with me, unless my shadowy memories of the night before had been a delirious dream.

My heart twisted as I looked at my cousin, as I prayed that my actions had been a sick, terrible dream—but deep in my heart, I knew that I hadn't dreamed this. I had raped Yuki—again. There was no excuse! My black side was no excuse, and I knew that full well! Plenty of people had anger issues—it didn't mean that we were exempt from the rules. It didn't mean that I had the right to force myself on my love and my best friend.

I tried to sort out my thoughts. Had I ever felt this way when I was with Rin? I couldn't remember ever feeling desires of such strength for Rin. Of course they existed—to tell the truth, they still existed—but always, those desires were overshadowed by that incredible sense of caring. I had _loved _Rin. I had wanted nothing more than for her to be happy, to be safe. I had wanted what was best for her. We had kept our relationship secret to protect each other, and I would have died before I hurt her. Never when we pretended not to be together, never when I was in a bad mood, no matter how sick I was, I had never hurt Rin. Somehow, that didn't seem to be the case with Yuki.

So did that mean I loved Yuki more or less? I turned the question over in my mind, trying to think of reasons, coming up with pitiful justifications. I raged at the reasonable part of my mind, I clawed the edges of my brain, searching for answers. No matter what, the only answer I could come up with was that I did not love Yuki enough. Did I love him at all? Or were the feeling I felt when I saw my cousin simply friendship mixed with lust? I didn't have an answer for that, but I was terrified that I would discover that I had never loved the rat at all.

And what about Yuki for his part? I had to wonder how Yuki felt about this whole situation. Was it love, lust, or mere submission? I could instantly rule out lust—if that was all Yuki felt for me, I wouldn't feel guilty about forcing him, because the sex would undoubtedly have been willing. I couldn't imagine what sort of insanity level my cousin would have to have to be in love with me after all of the times that I had hurt him. He would have to be entirely crazy, entirely masochistic, or both! That left submission.

My stomach churned at the idea, but it supported my thoughts from before—that with my careless, selfish actions, I had broken Yuki into little pieces, and I was only crushing him further. I looked at my pale, delicate-featured cousin, who had turned his face to stare absently out the window. The altruistic part of my being that wished to justify itself screamed that Yuki was ten times stronger than me and could have fought me off any of those times. My rational mind retorted that Yuki may have been to shocked and scared to fight back properly at first, and then to hurt to fight back when I attacked him before he had had the chance to heal, and then too broken to fight back at all some point along the line. I hated that thought, but it had to be true—Yuki was only staying with me because I had hurt him so badly and he didn't know how else to protect himself.

But now that he was with me, I had only hurt him worse.

That thought did not sit well with me; I doubted it would sit well with anyone halfway decent. Did I even fall into the category of halfway decent anymore? Another look at Yuki's exhausted, pinched face assured me that I did not. Anyone who would harm someone who was already so emotionally fragile fell into the class of 'scum'.

I rose from the bed, a movement that caused Yuki's head to snap towards me. I felt a flash of pain—how could I be sure that looking around was just instinct, that he wasn't looking over to make sure I wasn't coming near him? I flashed my cousin a weak smile and moved to leave the room.

"Haru, what are you doing up? Lie down!"

I kept my forced smile on my face, hoping that it didn't look as fake as it felt, as the other smiles I had given him that day had. "I'm fine Yuki. Don't worry, I'm just going to the bathroom. Did you want to accompany me?" I regretted the last sentence as soon as it had slipped out of my mouth. God, I really was an idiot, wasn't I? Those adults of my childhood had been right!

A pink flushed colored Yuki's face as he averted his large silver eyes. "Not funny," he muttered, his embarrassment seeping into his voice. I felt ashamed of the insensitive comment myself, and was a little relieved to be able to leave the room. I locked myself in the bathroom and headed to the sink to splash water on my face.

I stopped when I saw the state of the sink, and the remains of vomit that crusted the porcelain. Tohru and Kyo had gone to school; Shigure had gone to the main house. None of them were sick.

Shit. I sat on the toilet and buried my head in my knees. Had I made Yuki physically ill? I prayed that wasn't the case. "Idiot," I whispered, repeating the word each time I hit myself on the head. "Idiot, idiot, idiot…"

I finally got the will to stand up and clean out the sink. My knees shook at the idea, but I knew that it was time to have a very serious talk with Yuki about where we were heading. I felt a dull ache as I realized that from today on, we might part ways for good and could possibly end up as less than friends. Even so, I knew that we couldn't keep on in a 'relationship' of an abuser and a victim. Yuki was far to precious for that and I couldn't stand the hatred I felt for myself brought on by my actions. A leaden feeling settled over me as I pushed the door open and settled down cross-legged on the floor, not meeting my cousin's eyes. "Hey, Yuki?"

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**I personally liked this chapter—it was refreshing to write from Haru's viewpoint for a change! That will be rare, so don't expect to see it too often.**

**From now on, **_**THERE WILL BE NO CHAPTERS FOR THIS POSTED TO THIS ACCOUNT. THIS CHAPTER WAS ONLY POSTED TO THIS ACCOUNT TO GIVE YOU ALL A HEADS UP. CHECK ASHITA NO YUKI FOR UPDATES.**_

**Thank you. I hope I got that across. Now, for the first (and hopefully last) time, I will request that you do not review. Please wait until this fan fiction is posted on my 'Ashita no Yuki' account. If you want to review anyways, I would be appreciative if you would review both accounts.**

**You guys are all so awesome. I hope that you all will look for this on my new account and will keep reading and reviewing.**

_**Phantom and Potter Obsession **_


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to my reviewers—a million thanks! Though this chapter will not go onto the account where this fan fiction originally resided (**_**Phantom and Potter Obsession**_**) I'd still like to thank you: On the original account, this fan fiction had exceeded 50 reviews! With any luck—and with the dedication of my lovely reviewers (and the blackmail of my sister XD) this version of **_**Tainted Love **_**will receive as many and more reviews.**

**Fruits Basket belongs to the great Natsuki Takaya, who's name I would know all the kanji to if I were her. I know two of the kanji! But… yeah. If I owned Fruits Basket I would be Natsuki Takaya and therefore able to write my own name. (Don't worry. I can write my real name just fine in both English and Japanese!)**

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Back to Yuki's POV

"Hey, Yuki?"

"Yeah?" I replied, looking down upon my cousin's pale, sweat-covered face. I blanched: he was sick again! "Haru… God. Lie down, you're still sick!" I leapt to my feet and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him to his feet and dragging him over to my bed. As I pushed his unresisting body down, an unwelcome blush gracing my cheeks: The thoughts that would occur to most teenage boys of my orientation popped into my mind. I shoved those embarrassing thoughts to the back of my head and concentrated on Haru. His skin felt a little warmer than it had when I had come into the room several minutes ago, but for all I knew that was just wishful thinking: He certainly looked ill.

"Yuki, I'm fine." Haru's voice sounded bleak and deadened; my heart twisted.

"You're not. You're still sick—don't get up!" I employed my superior strength to push my cousin down again and hold him immobile while I pulled the blankets up around his body. "Haru, I'm sure it's frustrating for you to have to be still and lie around, but you're not going to get better otherwise!"

"It's not that." Haru had lain quietly the whole time, not even fighting me. That was worrying, because wouldn't Haru normally make some perverted comment about me holding him to the bed, a comment uttered with a perfectly serious face and guaranteed to make me go red? "It's just that it would feel unequal to have a serious conversation with me lying down like this… ah well. If it makes you happy."

"Serious conversation?" I asked blankly. "I think your health is more important than a conversation of any sort." I battled inner dread, my inferiority complex whispering to me that this was it: Haru had realized just how low I was and how much better he deserved. Haru was going to leave—and sure he would be nice about it, and sure I would let him go—but the idea terrified me. My breath began to elude me; I had to force myself to calm down and breathe slowly.

"Hey—Yuki, are you breathing properly?" Haru asked, sitting up suddenly, my slackened arm falling off his chest. "I'm sorry," he added hastily, lying back down again. "I'll stay down—seriously, are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay," I said, my voice and smile too shaky to be convincing. "I'm just worried about you."

"I said I'm fine, but I'll stay lying down if it makes you comfortable." Haru looked at his hands as they fiddled with the edge of the topmost, flannel blanket. "Yuki… I… please be honest. How do you feel about me?"

"Huh?" For some reason, the question surprised me. "Haru… you know that already. I really, really like you…" the idea of saying 'I love you' was too hard when I had no idea what his intentions were. It seemed to me like he was about to drop me; How could I tell him I loved him only to have him leave?

A trace of sadness crossed Haru's face. I instinctively reached for his hand, not realizing until our skin made contact that I had made the motion. I looked down at our hands as his finger hesitantly intertwined with mine, and then looked at my love's face. He immediately averted his eyes.

"Damn. I was afraid of that. Yuki…" A thrill of fear coursed through my being as my cousin kept his eyes fixed on the floor. "There is no way that this is ever going to work out. Ever."

I had been steeled for this, but it still hit me hard. I dropped his hand as though it burned… or as though it was frozen… and turned away, struggling to get a hold of myself. "That's… all right. I understand. It's fine," I said, my voice barely under control, cracking at the end of my last sentence.

"Wait—" the creak of the bedsprings told me that Haru had risen to a sitting position. I felt a flare of resentment—did he really hold what I had said in _such _little stock? Did he care if he got better at all? I twitched as his hand grasped mine, and let my hand go limp. He was going to drop me and then want to hold hands again? I was instantly ashamed of my bitterness over this whole thing, especially because it was only natural that Haru would leave someone as pitiful and boring as me behind. I couldn't bring myself to pull away, to hold his hand back, to look at him, to look away, and to my mind, such indecision only heightened my lowliness. I should at least bring up the courage to look my cousin full in the face.

"Yuki, please. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's just… you shouldn't be staying with me." I heard Haru sigh, but I refused to look back at him, even though I knew that my behavior was childish. "Yuki, I can't let you stay like this. Somehow, I've managed to turn this into an abusive relationship." Haru's laugh was hollow. "Look, I know you aren't happy this way. Letting you go is the only way to let you be happy. You can't be happy with someone who's hurting you, okay?

"You aren't hurting me," I told Haru, my voice dull. How could he think that breaking off our relationship was the way to keep from hurting me? "Not at all. I'm the one who's been hurting you."

"Wha—I'd like to know how you get to that conclusion," Haru said softly, his thumb absently tracing over the lines in my palm. "You're the one with all the bruises."

I didn't know how to explain it without telling Haru my weakness—that I craved any and all of his attention, no matter if it hurt me or not. That I didn't feel worthy to refuse him anything. I knew that it would shock him and he would try and convince me that I wasn't lower than him in any way—and that would just make me feel worse.

"Yuki?" Haru had chanced a glance at my face. I forced myself to meet his eyes and gave a small, half-smile. I could trust him with my weaknesses: He was _Haru. _

"Haru… first of all, don't interrupt or try and tell me I'm wrong, okay?" My cousin gave a nearly imperceptible nod, and I continued on. "I… well, you… look. I'm just not… I'm not as good as you Haru. You know I'm a boring person who relies on other people to do everything for him, so it's really amazing that you're lowering yourself to be with me. So it's really okay if you leave. But… the reason I'm hurting you…" I knew he wouldn't accept it. Deep in my heart I knew that Haru was too kind, too nice, too forgiving to ever accept my answer. "I feel like I'm hurting you because I keep holding out, and you don't deserve that. I want to… I want you to be happy. So I… I guess you would be happier if we broke things off. That's why I understand, and that's why you really aren't hurting me." Of course it hurt. It really, really hurt that Haru was going to go; it was far worse than any of the physical pain he had ever caused me. Physical pain weighed against emotional pain was insignificant, at least to my eyes.

Haru blinked, and then moved so quickly to enfold me in his arms that it must have been impulsive. "That's… Yuki, you were just parroting everything that Akito ever fed you. That's all. You don't really think that. You can't really think that you're inferior at all to me, because you know that Akito lies and hurts people a hell of a lot more easily than he breathes. I can't believe that you really believe him when he tells you you're mediocre, okay? You're not. And there is no way ever that you can think you're hurting me by protecting your basic human rights, okay?"

I nodded, taking comfort in Haru's words, even if I couldn't take them to heart. I buried my head in his shoulder, his familiar scent comforting. His hand stroking my silver head of hair was a reassurance to my mind, and I welcomed it. "You said it can't work, but can't we keep trying?" I whispered, unsure if he could even hear me as the words left my mouth.

"All right," Haru whispered, his voice as soft as mine had been—I could barely make out the words. "But Yuki, please promise me that if I ever again hurt you in any way, you'll walk right away from our relationship, okay? And…" Haru hesitated. " Well, if I ever make you sick again, that counts. I feel really bad about that."

"What?" I asked, not looking up. "You've never made me sick Haru. It's not possible—I _love _ you!"

Haru wrapped his arms around me and squeezed gently. "All right. I'll take your word for it," he whispered, his lips grazing the top of my head.

I belatedly remembered that my cousin was still recovering and pushed him down. "Lie down before you get sick again," I ordered the younger boy. I hesitated for a moment apprehensively, and then crawled under the covers, pulling him close and wrapping my arms around him. Something told me that I was safe this time; that he was not going to do anything I wasn't willing to do. Maybe it was the drowsy flutter of his eyelids as he turned his head to look at me; maybe it was his relaxed half-smile.

Then again, it could be that I had convinced myself that I was entirely willing to do anything that Haru wanted me to do.

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**-Sigh- Yuki, don't be a doormat. Have a little more self-respect. Oh, wait, then my plot won't work out so well.**

**The first chapter that only exists on **_**Ashita no Yuki**_**! Did all of my readers find it all right? Did I pick up any new readers? The best way for me to find out these answers is to drop me a little note in the form of the "review" button.**


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